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journal_karbytes_21december2024.txt
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/**
* file: journal_karbytes_21december2024.txt
* type: plain-text
* date: 20_DECEMBER_2024
* author: karbytes
* license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN
*/
karbytes_0: “Education is the end and not just the means to some end (with respect to all of my endeavors). Education (particularly ongoing (for the remainder of one’s lifespan) self-initiated learning (e.g. reading books, attending lectures, working on open source software projects, et cetera)), if sufficient (i.e. not too little to feel like mere token studying and while including the attainment of new insights and of skill improvement), basically “cures” any mental illness as far as I am concerned. I noticed that my insecurities and annoyances tend to be almost nonexistent when I am making sufficient progress towards my (lifelong and self-taught) education goals. By contrast, when I am not intellectually active in that manner, I feel that my life is essentially being wasted and treated more as a prison sentence and/or enslavement (to other humans) than a life I could honestly say is worthwhile to me to live.”
karbytes_1: “Don’t you have someone other than yourself to live for?”
karbytes_0: “No. I only have myself to live for because my worldview is somewhat (but not entirely) solipsistic. That does not mean that I think it is impossible for subjective experiences other than my own ever exist (and, for the sake of not getting into unpleasant conflicts with the ‘non playable characters’ (i.e. NPCs) which inhabit my environment, I pretend that such ‘NPCs’ each have their own uniquely-corresponding subjective experience streams which are just as vivid and imbued with sentience as my own). Instead, what I mean when I say that I am solipsistic is that I operate with the imagined premise that I am literally the only sentient being within the universe I happen to inhabit (and that what I fundamentally am is pure consciousness rendering my entire universe essentially as software which I am the sole end user of). I believe that other of such instances of pure consciousness exist (or always have the potential to exist) which also each render their own uniquely-corresponding universe projections (and that each of such consciousness instances is localized to its own boundlessly large expanse comprised of pure consciousness (and that such expanses do not ever appear to each other to overlap)).”
karbytes_1: “Don’t you have social obligations you are supposed to fulfill? Are you even employed? You seem to have more time on your hands than what is considered to be normal for the society you live in. In fact, you seem to have too much free time because you demonstrate what seems like an excessive degree of self-education and (unearned) physical and mental wellness. Normally, you would need to correspond with people other than yourself much more intensively than you seem to have in order to reap the mental and physical fitness gains you have. Who told you what to do with your life? More importantly, who has been giving you basic material necessities to survive and thrive as well as you have?”
karbytes_0: “At the moment I am unemployed (but I have been employed at various jobs in the past). During the past four years I have been mostly or solely reliant on my parents for material accommodations such as housing, food, and money (which they send me via PayPal regularly and which I use to pay for my personal expenses). If I suddenly become cut off from my parents’ financial support (which I do not think is likely to happen), then I will go to nearby homeless shelters for food, shelter, and other basic comforts (which I do not expect to be very high-quality, abundant, nor generously bestowed upon me (because I am think I come across as an unabashedly elitist (and self-absorbed) snob instead of sufficiently humble, downtrodden, uneducated, gregarious, sycophantic, and apolitical (which means that I think that homeless and/or ‘under employed’ people are generally treated as delinquents and wayward children by my encompassing society))) and make it my ‘full-time job’ during that situation to acquire financial assistance from government social services and/or from jobs which I attempt to get hired at (such as cashiering or warehousing).”
karbytes_1: “That’s not how the real world works. You cannot just work your way out of poverty without the right people’s permission (and you are not considered to be the right person to grant you such permission). Instead, you need to settle for the fact that your bout of homelessness and/or under employment is effectively a prison sentence designed to prioritize people who are not homeless and who are not under employed (while you are deliberately made to feel deprived of the comfort, prestige, and esteem only those who are not homeless and not under-employed get to enjoy).”
karbytes_0: “Are you suggesting that, if I become homeless while underemployed, I should just settle for waiting for other people to rescue me while doing little other than sleep or loiter in public spaces or in homeless shelters?”
karbytes_1: “Yes, but you are not ever supposed to be a nuisance to those who are considered to be exempt from needing punishment (especially if those people drive cars, occupy residences, and routinely contribute to other people’s material welfare (especially if those other people are minor (especially prepubescent) children or, to a less prioritized extent, ‘vulnerable adults’ deemed to be unfit to contribute to society and even to their own individual upkeep)). Those exempt from punishment are deserving of preferential treatment (by society and according to society) because only those people partake in lifestyles which effectively contribute to maintaining the economy and a sufficiently large population size and density (because populations which are too low in density tend to be harder to mass indoctrinate and control (and it is important that children are socialized to feel obliged to contribute to society in a particular manner which ultimately deprives them of ever having sufficient freedom to become as self-educated as you aspire to be)).”
karbytes_0: “I find it bizarre that you think that society wants its future inhabitants to not be allowed to be as self-educated as I aspire to be. According to my education, I understand that human civilization has evolved significantly across many generations (while generally becoming increasingly humane, wealthy, educated, and technologically advanced as time elapses for those civilizations). Therefore, it makes sense to me that, eventually (especially now), society will idealize people being self-taught and self-sovereign as I aspire to be (while as many essential jobs as possible are outsourced to robots so that humans can maximize their free time and quality of life (while acquiring income from some form of direct employment or indirectly from robots which pay the majority of a civilization’s taxes)).”
karbytes_1: “It is unlikely that your country’s policy makers and policy enforcers will allow for such radically widespread automation of cherished professions, however menial those professions are, to occur any time soon (or ever). What your country’s authority figures want instead is to disincentivize people attaining a post-high education (especially if that education is not training to perform ‘blue collar’ or ‘pink collar’ trades) because people who are ‘overly educated’ are not as likely to want to get married (to a partner of the opposite sex) at a young age and to have more than two children (and more than two children per woman is what societies generally implore of its citizens). It is a widely observed phenomenon that, the more educated a woman is, the fewer children she tends to have (even though she is more likely than her lesser educated counterparts to have the financial means to provide a child’s upkeep). Right now, people like you are seen as a nuisance to society and perhaps even dangerous (due to the fact that people like you have the potential to turn people off from subordinating themselves to factory farm style living conditions which glorify women as livestock and little else).”
karbytes_0: “What you said reminds me of some story I read on the Internet recently about a woman who had to have all four of her limbs amputated after contracting a pregnancy-related bacterial infection (and she also was put in a medically-induced coma which could have also caused her brain damage so that the doctors could further assess her condition and treat it (and, of course, save the baby boy (because his life is (according to your logic) seen by everyone as being the ends to that woman’s life))). I got the sense, while reading that story, that the woman had no opportunity to show any real dissent about her circumstances other than what is appropriate in a patriarchal society which indoctrinates its members to see women as having little value outside of sexual reproduction. I got the sense that she was under pressure to act as though she did not regret carrying that pregnancy to term.”
karbytes_1: “Can you provide a link to that article?”
karbytes_0: “I am having a hard time finding the specific article I am referring to, but on the Internet there are multiple stories about limbs being amputated due to pregnancy-induced sepsis (which you can look up if you are so inclined). What I would rather call attention to is where society seems to be going. It seems that the richest and most powerful people on Earth are planning to terraform Mars to make it habitable for humans (but only if those humans have the funds and social/legal approval to migrate from Planet Earth to Planet Mars). Those who lack the qualifications to migrate to Mars will presumably be left to fend for themselves on a planet which may eventually stop being legitimately habitable to humans. I imagine that, in a haste to generate as much electricity as possible (in preparation for humanity’s migration to Mars), the Earth will become polluted with carcinogenic radiation from used nuclear reactor cores which are haphazardly disposed of on Earth. Those who are ‘the chosen ones’ will be spared a painful and traumatic end of the world experience by being whisked away to a society on Mars which is significantly more invested in than what is left on Earth. Having lots of babies means that there will be enough fresh blood to restart human civilization on Mars while whoever is not eligible for the interplanetary migration will be left to die ‘of natural causes’ on Earth away from the inhabitants of Mars who will likely eventually re-terraform Earth after all the human ‘savages’ left to die on Earth are thoroughly exterminated. Then humanity can span two planets which each are optimized for a human civilization like what you idealize.”
karbytes_1: “That’s right! You might not be eligible to go onto the next stage of human civilization (which will first take place exclusively on Mars), but right now we are not supposed to be thinking about a future on Mars. Instead, we are only supposed to anticipate no more than two years into the future and not any further into the future than that while staying preoccupied with relatively banal and small-scale concerns (which pertain exclusively to survival and its prerequisite: social appeasement). It would do you well to focus on having a pleasant and agreeable demeanor and to put away the silly open source software projects which only seem to deprive society of your servitude and baby-making potential being utilized by the patriarchy.”
karbytes_0: “Nope! I am not willingly renouncing my preferred ways of living just to appease some patriarchy (or whatever the governing organization of my encompassing society is). Hence, you will likely continue to see me as some unreformed and wayward brat and bum not doing enough to truncate its personal development in order to mind other people’s (relatively ‘low brow’) business and dramas.”
karbytes_1: “You are in for a very difficult and unpleasant experience then.”
karbytes_0: “So be it!”
* * *
I wrote the dialogue between karbytes_0 (which was representing my adversary) and karbytes_1 (which was representing me) in the previous section of this note approximately three hours before I started writing this sentence to append to this note in this section.
The person(s) karbytes_1 was representing in the aforementioned section of this note is fundamentally fatalistic and sounds somewhat like the following pig_gorl recordings I made named pig_gorl_08july2024_part_1.mp4 and pig_gorl_31august2024_p2.mp4 on the web page at the following Uniform Resource Locator: https://karbytesforlifeblog.wordpress.com/pig_gorl/
(I imagine she has wide open eyes and the demure expression of a child but is irate and pretending not to be to anyone but me. In other words, I imagine she is a lot nicer to everyone other than me and singles me out to be abused more than everyone else she knows. I imagine that she has a boyfriend who she practically worships and who looks brutish, mean, and violent).
The person which karbytes_1 was representing seems to think that human civilization will end in disaster; not necessarily all at once but in waves in which some (but not all) of the total human population is eliminated through acts of violence, negligence, or apparently unintentional means. She seems resigned to spend the rest of her life feasting on someone else’s suffering and hence decided to make me her favorite victim to attempt to ruin the life of through unstoppable bullying which could arguably be described as torture (and torture which the United States government sanctions).
The kinds of phases I hear her saying to me are exclusively adversarial and do not come across to me as constructive feedback in any way. In other words, I think her words are intentionally designed to diminish my motivation to pursue my goals (which pig_gorl seems to be jealous of or insecure about me pursuing (and/or pig_gorl is assigned the government-sanctioned role of preventing me from thriving as well as I could without her interference either to punish me for transgressions I committed in the past or am expected to commit in the future or to ensure that such goals are rarely if ever pursued)).
I dare to say that I think pig_gorl is pro patriarchy and anti egalitarian (while I am the opposite). I noticed that pig_gorl is constantly trying to clamor for my attention and tries to coerce the subject of what I am thinking about to be on depressingly banal, outdated, and limiting social constructs (especially gender). We never have a coherent dialogue. Instead, she simply spams me with anti professional and anti healing messages and does not really build up any argumentative case nor respond to my questions or comments. She will simply flit from one taunting expression to another and often there seems to be multiple instances of her softly cooing, whispering, or muttering in a high-pitched, breathy, and feisty sounding voice (in a manner I would describe as baby talking and high school aged bullying). She seems obsessively fixed on the fact that I have something other than living in a violence-filled, thug-run ghetto to behold. She also seems anti transgendered and insists that I be treated like a little girl who needs to learn to submit to the patriarchy (and to allow my physical and mental fitness to atrophy while disabling mental and eventually physical illness takes over and renders me a shut-in whose life is entirely in someone else’s hands).
I wrote this note to get this ugliness out of my system and exposed to the light of the World Wide Web where it can be seen by people other than just myself (which makes the burden of being acquainted with pig_gorl a little less painful for me to put up with).