friends3_but_short.srt

1
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:10,509
This is unbelievable.
It's been half an hour.

2
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:14,221
If this was a cartoon, you'd be
looking like a ham right about now.

3
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,348
There's the waitress.
Excuse me, miss.

4
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:19,018
JOEY: Hello, miss?
- It's Phoebe.

5
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,937
CHANDLER: Hi.
- Hi.

6
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,647
Okay, will that be all?

7
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,817
Wait, wait.
What are you doing here?

8
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,318
Yeah, um, I was over there...

9
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,196
...then you said, "Excuse me, miss."
So now I'm here.

10
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,199
No, no. How come you're working here?

11
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:38,537
Right. Because it's close to where I live,
and the aprons are really cute.

12
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,122
Can we start over?

13
00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:42,791
- Yeah. Okay, great. I'll be over here.
- No, no, no, no.

14
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,969
I don't know whether he's testing me
or just acting out...

15
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,806
...but my monkey is out of control.

16
00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:44,019
He keeps erasing
the messages on my machine.

17
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,522
Supposedly by accident.

18
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,857
Oh, yeah, I've done that.

19
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:55,739
And three days in a row, he got
to the newspaper before I did...

20
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,200
...and peed all over the crossword.

21
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,828
I've never done that.

22
00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:04,998
Now tell me she doesn't look
exactly like her sister.

23
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,626
I'm saying I see a difference.

24
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,044
They're twins.

25
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:12,840
I don't care.
Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot.

26
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:17,177
You know that thing
when we talk about things?

27
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,888
- Let's not do that anymore.
- Okay.

28
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,099
ROSS: Hey, guys.
ALL: Hey.

29
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,560
Hey, Pheebs.
Guess who we saw today.

30
00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:26,395
Ooh. Oh, fun. Okay.

31
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,272
- Um, Liam Neeson.
- No.

32
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,940
- Morley Safer.
JOEY: Nope.

33
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,817
- The woman who cuts my hair.
JOEY: No.

34
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:34,111
Look, this could be a really long game.

35
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,571
Your sister, Ursula.

36
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,239
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

37
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,199
She works at that place, uh...

38
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,534
Riff's. Yeah, I know.

39
00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:43,537
Oh, you do? She said you guys
haven't talked in years.

40
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,164
Hmm? Yeah.

41
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,918
So, um, is she fat?

42
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,298
Not from where I was standing.

43
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,300
Where were you standing?

44
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:02,222
Uh, Pheebs, so you guys
just don't get along?

45
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,350
It's mostly just dumb
sister stuff, you know?

46
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,770
Everyone always thought of her
as the pretty one.

47
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,357
Oh. Oh. She was the first to walk...

48
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,485
...even though I did it
later that same day.

49
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,991
To my parents, by then it was,
"Yeah, what else is new?"

50
00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,451
ROSS:
Oh.

51
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:25,621
Pheebs, I'm sorry. I've gotta go.
I've got Lamaze class.

52
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:29,124
Oh, and I've got earth science,
but I'll catch you in gym?

53
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,338
So is this just gonna be you and Carol?

54
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,256
No. Susan will be there too.

55
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:40,802
We've got dads. We've got lesbians.
The whole parenting team.

56
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,180
Well, isn't that gonna be weird?

57
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,515
No. It might have been at first...

58
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,310
...but now I'm comfortable
with the situation.

59
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,812
- Ross, that's my jacket.
- I know.

60
00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:01,240
Hi. We're the Rostens.

61
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:04,201
I'm J.C. And he's Michael.

62
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:07,454
And we're having a boy and a girl.

63
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,832
Good for you.
Alrighty, next?

64
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,503
Hi. Um, I'm, uh... Ahem.

65
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,088
I'm Ross Geller.

66
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,590
And, uh, that's my boy in there.

67
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:23,553
And, uh, this is Carol Willick,
and this is Susan Bunch.

68
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,182
Susan is, um, Carol's...

69
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,309
[MUMBLES]

70
00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,398
Who's next?

71
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,818
I'm sorry, Susan is?

72
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,195
- Susan is Carol's friend.
- Life partner.

73
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,114
Like buddies.

74
00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:44,324
Like lovers.

75
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,493
You know how close women can get.

76
00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,289
- Susan and I live together.
- I was married to her.

77
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:53,208
- Carol. Not me.
- It's a little complicated.

78
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:54,793
- But we're fine.
- Absolutely.

79
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,171
So, twins. Ha.

80
00:04:58,464 --> 00:04:59,756
That's like two births.

81
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,511
Ouch.

82
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,017
[INTERCOM BUZZES]

83
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,561
[MIMICS INTERCOM BUZZING]
- To you too, Helen.

84
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,939
HELEN [OVER INTERCOM]:
Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.

85
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,191
Oh. Okay, send her in.

86
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:23,739
Hi.

87
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,199
- Hi, Nina. Come on in.
- You wanted to see me?

88
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:29,077
Uh, yes.
Uh, I was just going over your data.

89
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,747
You've been postdating
your Friday numbers.

90
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,999
Which is bad, because?

91
00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:36,084
- Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.
- Ha, ha.

92
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,295
Excuse me?

93
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,213
WENUS. Ahem.

94
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,632
- Weekly Estimated...
- Oh, Net Usage Statistics.

95
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,718
Right. Gotcha, gotcha.

96
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:48,847
Won't happen again. I wouldn't
want to do anything to hurt your...

97
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,182
...WENUS.

98
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,071
It's not just that she's cute, okay?
It's just that...

99
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,573
...she's really, really cute.

100
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:11,161
It doesn't matter. You don't dip
your pen in the company ink.